


How to Offend a Hobbit

by Sakrea



Series: Heart of Stone [1]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Bilbo is a grump, Dwalin is vulgar, Fluff, M/M, Thorin tries to be apologetic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-01
Updated: 2013-01-01
Packaged: 2017-11-25 10:58:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/638178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sakrea/pseuds/Sakrea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thorin Oakenshield finds out the hard way that sharing even the smallest details of a hobbit's relationship might get him upset.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How to Offend a Hobbit

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at a Hobbit fic, as well as Bagginshield.
> 
> Sorry if the characters are out of character!
> 
> This was made as a response to this post on tumblr, which includes a lovely piece of art.
> 
> http://dionysusmonster.tumblr.com/post/39172215082/i-need-a-fic-where-thorin-embarrasses-bilbo

Dwarves, Bilbo had very quickly learned, were a rather gossipy bunch. Perhaps it was the sheer monotony of trees and dirt roads and walking, but should the smallest thing occur within the group, they would break into a fuss that even the most obnoxious of housewives couldn't hope to compete against.

"Ticklish?"

"I would bet on that."

Bilbo was finding it hard not to hate the lot of them. "Excuse me, but I am sitting right here." He huffed.

"Aye. So are they ticklish?" Bofur asked, grinning devilishly around his pipe.

Bilbo responded with a huff and crammed a biscuit in his mouth.

Across Beorn's rather large table, Fili nudged his brother. "I don't know why we're trying to pry information out of our shy little burglar when Uncle here could answer our questions. Are Mister Baggins' feet ticklish?"

Thorin cast a look at the halfling sitting behind him, ignoring the annoyed "don't you dare," muttered at him.

"I am not at liberty to discuss such private matters." He answered after a moment, though there was the barest hint of amusement on his normally stoic face.

"And they should have the decency not to ask." Bilbo grunted.

"We aren't asking you to discuss the direction from which you enjoy being taken from, Burglar." Dwalin cut in. Bilbo almost choked on his drink.

Nori leaned over the table. "Exactly. Strictly speaking, your relationship with our leader plays no real role in this."

"I suggest you answer the question before someone has to try it out for themselves. Easy enough operation what with your lack of shoes." Kili piped in.

It was in that moment that Thorin's expression darkened. "That would not be wise." He said, wiping the smirk off of his nephew's face in an instant. After but a moment, the dark gloom rose from Thorin's face and he resumed the rather regal act of gnawing on his meal.

For a moment, the table was at peace, the company seeming to give up on the endeavor, settling into an awkward silence with only a mildly smug look on the hobbit's face to break any tension. Until Bifur spoke up.

Due to the axe head stuck rather firmly in his skull, the poor dwarf could only speak in an ancient dwarven tongue. However, that didn't stop the rest of the dwarves from suddenly choking back noises of surprise. Even Thorin jerked his head up to look at him.

"What? What did he say?" Bilbo asked over the now muffled laughter of the company. If he was honest though, he was a bit afraid to ask.

Thorin, eyes on Bifur and rather blatantly ignoring his company, replied easily, "Not as much as you would expect considering the amount adorning his feet." He then took the most nonchalant sip from his cup (much to Bilbo's fury), and continued. "However, anymore hair and it might hide his portly midsection."

"Curves to rival any fine dwarven lass!" Bofur shouted and the company burst into hysterics. Even Thorin looked to be attempting to contain his mirth.

Well Bilbo was having NONE of that. Not now, not ever. With his embarrassment coloring his neck to the tips of his ears, the hobbit released an affronted noise and was practically sprinting toward the door before anyone could react. He heard one cry, from whom he could not tell, caught up in their laughter as they were, shout after him to "come back, we're only poking fun at your belly! Oh that just makes it funnier, doesn't it...?"

Out the back door of the main hall Bilbo went, down the wooden steps and into the lush grass surrounding Beorn's house. He could still hear the muffled commotion of the company inside, but as much as he would like escape into the solitude and quiet of the trees the darkness of the night kept him within the torchlit area. So it was there that he stood, his absolutely not ticklish feet driving hard into the grass as he adopted an stubborn and absolutely Tookish posture; Arms crossed, mouth set in a firm line, brows furrowed, and releasing the occasional annoyed huff.

It was rather odd, looking back at how this all started. No, not the running off an an adventure with thirteen dwarves and a meddling wizard part, he had already accepted that part as normal enough. No, what was now odd was how he had gone from being a burden to a dwarven prince's companion in a matter of just a few hours. After that rather horrifying incident with Azog, Bilbo had managed to not only get himself into Thorin's good graces, but later that day had gotten the dwarf blatantly declare his feelings for the hobbit. It was a confession that went something along the lines of "Halfling, I owe you my life, but all I can offer you is my heart." How could he refuse that?

Apparently, when one accepts such an offer from a dwarf, privacy is thrown to the wind. That night, Thorin had spent the night with his arm clamped firmly around the hobbit's waist, visually and later verbally laying claim to him. At the time, Bilbo had been embarrassed by such a display, but part of him found it thrilling. This dwarf, whom had hated to be associated with him, now vied for his full and complete attention.

Thorin, during the short time together, had begun a rather drastic mood change. Whether it was due to the newfound companionship or a giddy euphoria about not being hunted or put in danger the last few days, Bilbo couldn't say. All he knew was that Thorin had taken up the habit of giving him little smiles that made him feel warm and loved. He also seemed to be more willing to talk, mostly to Bilbo of course, but he even seemed to be putting on a more friendly air for the rest as well.

"I think I preferred it when he was broody all the time." Bilbo grouched into the night.

"I do not brood." A voice rumbled behind him.

Bilbo tried his best not to look startled, but the dwarf prince had managed to be surprisingly light on his feet during his approach.

"I don't want to talk to you." Bilbo sniffed, turning his nose up.

Two thick arms wound themselves around the hobbit's middle, dragging him close. Bilbo squirmed in the grip defiantly. "No, no, no!" Bilbo twisted in his grasp, firmly planting a palm on Thorin's forehead and thrusting his head away. The prince looked a touch baffled by the ridiculous position he was being pushed into, so he reluctantly released his companion. He tried to regain a touch of his composure by brushing at the fur of his coat, his expression turning to neutral.

"What would you have me do?"

"Leave. Go back inside and laugh with the others. I'm in no mood to deal with you right now, Thorin Oakenshield." Bilbo gave him as firm a glare as he could muster, then turned, shuffled his crossed arms, and glared into the night.

After several moments of silence, there was a shuffling sound in the grass and then the encircling arms returned, but this time, far lower. Bilbo felt Thorin's arms clasp around his waist and his face press into his side. He looked down to find the dwarf prince on his knees beside him, embracing his midsection.

The hobbit sputtered in response, trying to come up with words to express his distaste, but coming up with nothing.

"My deepest apologies, Master Baggins." Thorin rumbled against him. "I meant no disrespect."

"Let me go! I am very cross with you right now!" Bilbo shot back, trying to take a step forward, only for Thorin's strong grip to pull him back. As an afterthought, he grumbled, "You're squishing my 'portly midsection'. "

"That was merely meant as a compliment."

"Oh? The wild hysterics say otherwise!"

"It was not meant to be funny." The dwarf said.

"All hobbits have round bellies." Bilbo mumbled, his anger seeming to melt a bit into a pout.

"I would have you no other way. I love you." Thorin said, lifting his head to gaze up at his captive.

Bilbo felt a blush creep into his cheeks and he swallowed loudly. "W-Well... I... That's... Hm." Oh, well this was awkward...

After a moment, Thorin released a soft chuckle and stood. "If you are not ready, do not push it. Your answer will come in time." He said softly, bringing up one hand to brush his partner's cheek.

Bilbo only replied with a nervous cough before his lips were caught in a gentle kiss. It lasted only a few moments, but was so sweet the hobbit found himself smiling and seeking more, following Thorin's mouth as he pulled back a short ways. Eyes darting from the hobbit's lips then back to his eyes, he whispered, "I'm just pleased it distracted you from your anger."


End file.
